September 2009

America wants us to work towards a skewed definition of success.  Step on as many toes as you have to.  Burn all the bridges it takes.  Just get to the top.  Money will bring you happiness.  Fame will cement your place in history.

It’s wrong.  It’s sad.  It’s got to change.

We’re told we should always be striving for success instead of striving for greatness.  In a terrific interview (which you need to watch), Cornel West says there is a very distinct difference between success and greatness.  He said success is “worldly…financial gain….living in the vanilla suburb.  It can become not only idolatrous, but poisonous to one’s soul.”

On the contrary, Mr. West says, “Greatness is about being a better, more compassionate human being.”

If that’s the case, how much easier is it to strive for greatness instead of success?  Not only is greatness easier to achieve, but it’s also more important.  What if everyone we knew was working towards being a better, more compassionate human being?

One of my favorite quotes of all time is “It’s about relationships, not accomplishments.” I try and remind myself of that every day.  When people ask me, “How do you have time to meet with people when you’re so busy doing other things?”  I share the quote above with them and say, “I’m not too busy for people.”

Too many of us are driven by things secondary to what life is all about. We aren’t putting people first.  If you are living your life and putting material things above people, your priorities are all out of whack.

You think a big house is more important than friendships?  You think compassion and serving other people is lower on the list than financial success?  Really? If you think that, let’s sit down and have a talk.  No amount of words on a webpage will show you the light (but I’ll try to shake some sense into you).

If you are pursuing the path to success, rather than the path to greatness, it’s never too late to push the reset button.  Reevaluate where you are.  Are you on the path where you should be going—putting people ahead of things?  Strive for greatness, and I promise you’ll achieve it (and make this world a better place on the way).

I couldn’t simply write a post on saying yes without following up with a saying-no post—I’d never want you to think that I’m a Yes! Man without that important, two-letter word in my vernacular.

At any rate, I struggle with no at times, but for good reasons (as you saw yesterday); however, I do work up the courage to utter the tiny word when:

• Other things I’m doing would suffer—As busy as I am, I honestly don’t feel any of my obligations detract from each other.  I have conflicts that force me to choose one thing over another at times, but that rarely occurs; however, if I know that saying yes to something will stretch me out to the point of hurting something else I’m a part of, I most certainly say, “No.”
• It conflicts with my long-term goals—It’s so easy to get wrapped up in things when they seem like a good opportunity in the short run, but in the long run they end up poorly. I always make sure I look at things through a telescope—making sure my decision will coincide with my goals in the future.
• It mixes unpleasantly my values—If I’m presented with something that questions my values, I say no—flat out.  At times, I make mistakes, no doubt about it, but when I realize up front that something conflicts with the guidelines I live my life by, it’s an auto-no.
• It compromises my integrity—If an opportunity would potentially put me in a position to jeopardize my character, I say no.  No matter the reason, if I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place, even if it’s to help someone out, I won’t do it.  Integrity is like a china dish—easy to break, tough to repair.
• I can’t be fully invested—When I get involved with something I always end up (at least) knee deep in it—and that’s how I like it.  I can’t half commit—it’s just not me.  I avoid being a part of something if I can’t give it 100 percent effort.
• It would keep others from an opportunity—I’ve been blessed with overflowing chances to be involved with great things and great people.  Unfortunately, others are not as lucky at times.  If I know someone else could take better advantage of the same opportunity as me, I always say, “No” in an effort to spread the wealth of opportunities.

Once again, this is by no means a list that contains all of the instances when I say, “No.”  As you’ll notice, this list is a bit shorter than the yes list—and for good reason.  Saying yes is almost always a better idea (unless it’s on your no list).

Believe it or not, I struggle with telling people “No.”  When important people (or even complete strangers at times) in my life ask something of me, I rarely tell them I can’t do it.  Let’s clear some things up before we proceed—the things I’m asked are hardly ever peer pressure situations that would result in a bad outcome—I’ve been able to surround myself with people who don’t do that (and here’s how I did that).

The things I’m asked range from amazing opportunities to get involved with organizations to requests to grab some java and talk about life.  I’ve got my hand in just about every cookie jar I come across, mostly because I like trying new things, partly because I just love cookies.

At any rate, the following are times when I almost automatically say, “Yes!” to requests, and my reasoning behind it.  I say, “Yes!” to people when:

• It’s something I love—I think this is the number one reason why people over commit.  It’s the reason I’m eye-ball deep in things to do on a regular basis; however, there’s not a single thing I do that I don’t love, and people keep giving me opportunities to do awesome things.  My major, my classes, my jobs, my organizations—I’m involved with all of them because I have a passion for them (and because I was presented with an opportunity).  The problem is, my list of passions is growing.  If you don’t know what you love, check out this post and figure it out.
• It’s a worthy cause—I just can’t say no when I’m presented with an opportunity to get involved with a group working towards an incredible goal.  The reason I’m a part of the organizations I’m involved with on campus is a direct reflection of this—they are all working towards changing things and people for the better (in my humble opinion).  When I see the potential in a group, when I have a vision of where it will be down the road, changing lives in some way or another, I get excited.   When I can see the vision of a group being played out in my mind, I get involved (and I never regret it).
• Other great people are involved—If I know I have an opportunity to meet with other passionate people and attempt to achieve lofty goals with them, I all but automatically jump on board.  When you get a chance to work with stellar people that you can learn from, it’s tough to pass up (and it’s a bad choice if you do).
• It’s a rare opportunity—I had an unusually busy week a mere seven days ago, and I was looking forward to a break on Saturday; however, I was presented with an opportunity to attend a Leadership Symposium and luncheon with two great speakers and, of course, free food.  I could have said no, but this was a one-time thing—and I would have missed out big time if I said passed that up.
• I can grow from it—Taking advantage of an opportunity that I know is going to challenge me, stretch me and grow me is a no brainer.  I’m on cruise control with my “Yes, please!” responses when I see a chance to be stretched, molded, and challenged to become better.
• I have the time—Sometimes I get an opportunity to do something that is a bit out of the norm for me, but I (in rare circumstances) have the time to do it.  Why not check it out?  Who knows what I’ll discover when I’m doing something other than trying to work through the entire Netflix collection or taking a 4-hour long nap (that’s just never long enough) in my free time.
• Someone needs my help—I think this is far and away my biggest soft spot (and something I’m quite proud of).  If someone is struggling or needs to talk or just wants a friend around, I’ll never say no.  I’ll shift my schedule, move appointments, put life on hold to help someone who needs it, because people helping people is what it’s all about.

This list is not exhaustive; it’s really only the tip of the iceberg.  I understand that if you always said yes in each of these situations you’d barely have time to for sleep—but I promise, less shuteye is not so bad.

At some point in your life, you will probably be part of a team—a sports team, a work team, a school project.  Somewhere along the lines, you’re going to have to work with other people (scary, I know) and achieve something.  I’ve worked in plenty of teams, some vastly more exciting to be a part of than others.  Along the way, I’ve learned what makes a great contributor.  Here are my 11 tips to turn into the Scottie Pippen of your team.

1. Think team first. You are all in this together.  It’s not all about you (reread those last two sentences over and over).  Act in a way that is best for the team, even if that’s not the best for you (in your opinion).
2. Make sacrifices. You’re going to have to compromise to reach agreements, and you’re going to have to put off other work to help the team out.  Other people are depending on you—don’t let them down.  Don’t miss meetings because you were hanging out with your girlfriend (or blogging).  Nobody likes “that guy.”
3. Play to your strengths.  If you’re a great organizer, manage the team’s deadlines and paper work.  Every once and a while feel free to mix it up and try something you want to get better at, but you haven’t quite mastered.  Watch your teammates and pick up on their skills so you can bring even more to the table.
4. Know your role. Don’t step on toes and try to take other roles without asking.  If you’re the leader, be the leader; don’t just stand around waiting for someone do your job.  Know what your piece of the puzzle is, use the corner pieces, and fit in where you belong.
5. Don’t do everything. Don’t try and be the Superman of your team.  You can’t fly, don’t have laser vision, and you can’t leap tall buildings in a single bound.  You’re going to burn out, especially if it’s a big, long project—I’ve been there.  You can’t do everything (that’s your kryptonite)—it’s team work because one person can’t do it alone.
6. See the big picture. Take a step back and look at what you are trying to achieve.  Make sure what you are doing is adding to the overall goal of the project or team.  Don’t get caught up in the trees when you need to see the forest.  If you can’t see the end to your means, you’re going to lose focus and probably end up wasting time coloring in black and white slides when you could have unchecked grayscale.
7. Come prepared. There’s nothing worse than a team member that isn’t prepared for meetings, due dates, or presentations.  Do. Your. Work. No one wants to babysit, so put on your big-boy pants and come prepared.
8. Help others out. If you see someone struggling, ask if you can offer some assistance.  If they accept, give them a hand with what they are doing.  If they are too stubborn to take your advice, vote them off the island.  No, but seriously, collaboration is king so make sure everyone knows you’re in it to win it (I couldn’t resist).
9. Ask for help. Don’t be afraid to reach out to your team when you’re stuck and need a hand to get out of the waist-deep quicksand.  I’d much rather take the time to help out a team member that’s a bit lost early on.  It’s much trickier to correct things later or not be able to fix it at all because they were too scared to speak up.  Don’t be prideful—admit you’re struggling and ask for some advice.
10. Create community. Depending on your amount of time on the team, you’re going to be working pretty closely with others pretty regularly for a decent period of time.  Don’t always be focused on work; get to know each other and work to genuinely enjoy getting together.  It’ll make the experience much more exciting for everyone (and it’ll keep arguments from erupting that lead to not speaking ever again).
11. Finish strong. It’s so easy to get burnt out at the end of a project (or a blog post).  If you pace yourself, you’ll be able to turn on the warp-drive afterburners at the end of your run, and your team will love that.  Many start the race, but very few finish strong.