My wife Niki loves Jesus. Really loves him. Loves him more than me, officially, and lives her life boldly for him. I couldn’t be more grateful.
But there are people in my life–friends, family members, acquaintances–who are Christians but who don’t have a significant other that has a true relationship with Jesus.
Sometimes people are already married when they meet Jesus. This post is not for them.
This is a plea, a forewarning and a peek inside what you’ll be missing if you’re currently 1. walking with Jesus 2. dating a non-Christian and 3. considering marrying that non-Christian whom you likely love.
The more I think about my relationship with the Lord, and with Niki, the more grateful I am that she walks closely with Jesus before everything else.
If you think all you’ll be doing is disobeying God by marrying a non-Christian (and surely, as Paul reminds us in 2 Corinthians 6:14 [footnote]Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?[/footnote] that should be reason enough to not sin), let me share with you what you won’t experience by marrying a non-Christian.
- Your spouse won’t pray for you when you’re overwhelmed and anxious.
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Your spouse can’t model a faithful walk with Jesus to encourage you in your own faith.
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Your spouse won’t remind you of scripture that draws you to the Lord in difficult seasons.
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Your spouse won’t pray over your kids–that the Lord would grow them and care for them better than you can.
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Your spouse won’t understand why you want to give money to the Lord via your church or missions.
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Your spouse won’t be a part of your family worship.
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Your spouse won’t sing with you as you worship the Lord.
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Your spouse won’t go to church with a desire to love and worship the Lord.
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Your spouse won’t serve alongside you at your church in helping introduce others to Jesus.
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Your spouse won’t be with you for eternity.
Of course many people enter into relationships like this with the hope that their husband or wife will come to know the Lord, but that’s dangerous, disobedient territory.
These statements are not completely hard and fast. There will be exceptions. But the hurt and loneliness that you’re setting yourself up for is unimaginable.
Your spouse-to-be could be the kindest, most thoughtful, generous person on the planet, but unless they know Jesus, there’s no chance they will do all these things that couples who are both walking closely with Jesus have the joy of experiencing together.
Pray for your significant other, share the gospel with them, and invite them to know Jesus.
And if they reject that offer, don’t continue to walk a path toward marriage that will leave you feeling more empty than you think you’d be if you broke things off before your marriage.
As a final note, if you’ve already said I do, pray steadfastly for your spouse, continue to love and serve them and live out Paul’s exhortations in 1 Corinthians 7:10-16.[footnote]To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband 11 (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.
12 To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. 13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 15 But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. 16 For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?[/footnote]