During our pre-marital counseling, our pastor shared  a key question that has changed nearly every relationship in my life.

The question is simple.

Am I believing the best about this person?

When someone shows up late to a meeting. When the dishes aren’t done. When the trash smells and hasn’t been taken out. When you haven’t heard from someone in ages. When your emails go without a response for weeks. When something is said that cuts to your core.

It’s incredible what the benefit of the doubt does in a relationship.

It shifts your temperament from accusations to a desire to reconcile.

…from anger to hope.

…from disappointment to empathy.

…from frustration to understanding.

Instead of thinking that your spouse intentionally left the dishes for you to clean, believe the best. Think, “Maybe they ran out of soap, or hot water, or they just flat-out forgot.”

When you confront them, tell them the truth. Tell them how it made you feel. But start by saying, “I don’t think this was your intention…”

To say that, you have to really believe it. People will let you down. They’ll disappoint you. They’ll hurt you. Sometimes it will be on purpose. If it is, they’ll receive an opportunity to confess and repent of it when you confront them. But making up elaborate back stories about how they were trying to figuratively drive a knife into your back isn’t worth your imagination or the bitterness that will eat away at your heart and mind like battery acid.

The next time you’re tempted to impose intentions on someone who has wronged you (whether it’s intentionally or unintentionally), ask yourself: Am I believing the best about this person?

It will change your relationships and your heart overnight.