I’m a bit of an anomaly. I’m rarely shaken by big life changes or weighty expectations. Things like moving overseas, learning a new language, adapting to a new culture, or leading a team rarely stress me out (not even when they are combined into a life-change cocktail).

But if I spill some milk, break a glass and see a spam email slip through the filter and into my inbox, I’m probably going to lose it.

I’m not sure why that is. I’m still working on figuring out why I’m fine with major shifts and obstacles but I can’t overcome certain mental blocks a four year old wouldn’t struggle with.

Recently, I came up with a process for identifying the tiny frustrations that lead mental meltdowns for me. It helps me work through why I’m feeling the way I am and how to set things straight.

The Full-Proof Process for Identifying What’s Got Your Panties in a Bunch

1. Get away from anything with a heartbeat.

If I had a cat, I would probably verbally abuse it at this point in the process. (Don’t worry PETA people, I’ll never own a cat). I can also be prone to taking things out on my wife, which is completely unfair. She’s got a great radar for when I’m frustrated or upset (and it’s not just because I start talking like the Hulk).

ME ANGRRRRRRY. ME SPILL MILK. MAKE MESS. CAN’T CLEAN UP LIKE NORMAL ADULT.

So, I just tell her I need to think about some things and go to a room by myself.

2. Write down every frustration.

I start writing down the things from the beginning of the day up until that current moment that have frustrated or disappointed me. Anything that hasn’t gone according to plan gets scratched down. It doesn’t have to be rational (yet)–I just need to write it down if it irked me even remotely.

I try to work through my day step by step and think back to what’s gone wrong. If it’s late in the day, it’s going to take some time. If it’s only 8am, wow, I’ve got a low tolerance that day but I should be able to quickly identify the issues. If it’s not from that day, start tracing back to earlier in the week until you list some major pain points.

3. Figure out why it was frustrating.

Sometimes things frustrate us that don’t even make sense. We get angry that we don’t have rice in the cupboard or that an email we’re expecting doesn’t come quickly enough.

Other times, we have completely valid reasons for why we’re frustrated. Someone broke a promise or you dropped the ball on an important project.

Next to what frustrated you, jot down a few quick notes about why it was frustrating–one or a two words or a short phrase is plenty. Ask yourself a few questions (not all apply in each situation):

• If this was an isolated event, would I have been upset?
• Is this really something to be upset over?
• Is this the main, root issue, or is it connected to a larger problem?

4. Separate the truth from the lies.

Many of the things that frustrate me are often unfair implications of a situation. I assume something (and we all know what that does) that isn’t directly correlated to what took place.

Here are a few questions to ask to identify lies:

• Is this actually true?
• Am I making an unfair assumption?
• Am I jumping to conclusions based on limited information?

5. Learn from the true frustrations.

If you really did drop the ball on a project, don’t lose sleep over it: fix it. Take steps to avoid doing it in the future. Do what you can in the current situation to repair it as much as you are able.

At this point, separate the wheat from the chaff of truth and lies. If it’s a lie that you believed like…

• “I’m not qualified for this job.”
• “My spouse is trying to ruin my day.”
• “The milk factory sold me a defective carton on purpose”

…identify it, figure out why it’s a lie, and throw it out the window.

It’s easy for your internal monologue to feed you lies. It’s hard for those lies to stand up to honest and thoughtful evaluation.

6. Pray through the frustrations.

Repent when you sin. Ask God for grace in the areas where you didn’t sin but just made something a bigger deal than it was. Connecting with the Lord always humbles me and puts me in my place.

When I kneel before the Creator, I can’t help but realize how foolish I’ve been, believing lies and blowing something up that should never get under my skin.

Thankfully, God is patient and bears with us. If you do nothing else in this process, complete this step.

7. Talk with others to apologize or explain.

When you lose your grip and fly off the handle at your wife or co-workers, you owe them an apology. Explain why you did what you did, why it was foolish, and help them understand where you are coming from.

Believe the best about them. Feel the freedom to say,

“When you said this, I assumed something unfair about what you were implying. I know that’s not what you were trying to say. I’m a little off today and I apologize for vomiting (or other appropriate verb here) the frustrations of my day all over your face (or other appropriate noun here).”

This always helps. Getting out your frustrations verbally to another human, especially after you’ve already processed through them on your own, is incredibly freeing.

Question: What’s your process for identifying and correcting frustrations in life that boil over?

Photo provided by catalin82