This post is a follow up from Monday’s post—“Nobody Likes a Chameleon”
Thanks to all of you who gave me feedback that led to this impromptu follow-up post. Monday was one of the busiest days my blog has seen yet, and I appreciate all of you who said to your friends, “Check it out! This is good stuff!” or “Look at this! What an idiot!” Either way, much appreciated.
I apologize for not being clearer in my post on Monday. I’m going to take this time to sort out exactly what I was getting at (because I did a poor job of that in round one). After looking back, instead of trying to be trendy and clever, I should have simply called Monday’s post “Don’t Be a Hypocrite.” I think the extra bit of frankness would have alleviated a whole lot of issues. For my ambiguity, I apologize. Nevertheless, here’s my follow up.
On Monday, I was trying to emphasize that you should always be true to your values and what you say you are about (as I mentioned in this post). Don’t claim to be one thing in front of certain people and be just the opposite in front of others. Have the integrity to walk the talk no matter what situation you are in.
An easy example—don’t claim to be a Buckeyes fan when you are in Columbus and a Michigan fan when you are in Ann Arbor (Ok, you could argue and say “But I like them both!” To that I would say, “If you were a true fan of either, you most certainly would not like them both).
Greg (and Mike) brought up a great point in the comments by citing 1 Corinthians 9:19-23 as Paul tells those in Corinth to adapt to their environment and blend in with those around them. That’s something I totally overlooked. Paul most certainly is not saying change what is at your core when you are around different people—he’s saying learn how to get along with those around you, but stay true to what you believe. I completely agree, and I apologize for skimming over this point.
If you are with your friends who enjoy football, don’t try and talk about poetry. Enjoy the game with them, talk about sports, and use your common ground to influence them and impact them. Certainly adapt, but don’t change your true colors (prime example of why I shouldn’t have used chameleon and instead should have bluntly said hypocrite).
John wrote me a great email bringing up another point. He did a great job of explaining it, but for the sake of brevity, I’m going to paraphrase. Basically, John told a story of a friend of his named Mike who loved Chevy cars but hated Fords and Plymouth/Chryslers. John and Mike met an old friend at an auto show named Bob, who, surprisingly, had a car at the show. When Bob showed the car to Mike and John, John said it was a beautiful Plymouth that “looked like it had just rolled out of the showroom.” John admired it, but he was afraid Mike would say he hated it; however, Mike said it was one of the best-looking Plymouths he’d ever seen.
John also offered a simpler example:
You’re at a friend’s house, with a lot of folks. You see how much time and effort the hostess went through to put on this little gathering. She stops and offers a plate of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. You take one and take a bite, only to be overwhelmed with bitterness about it. You wish you had a napkin or bush or anywhere to dispose of this bite. You look up at the hostess who has worked so hard and appears to be so proud, and she asks with a smile, how are they?
Great point—even though you don’t like Plymouths or can’t stand the cookies, should you be blunt and say that? I wouldn’t. There is a fine line between common courtesy and chameleonism (take that, Webster).
The instances John gave are times when you should use tact. In the first example, had Mike said “Plymouths are my favorite cars” to Bob, I’d say that’s being a chameleon; however, Mike handled the situation extremely well, and gave his honest opinion about the car. As far as the cookies go, there’s no need to get on a soapbox there and proclaim that they are the worst you’ve ever had. Simply choke it down, kindly decline seconds, and maybe tell the host in private (if you’re so inclined). There’s no sense in embarrassing people publicly because of your opinions on things that are by no means life or death.
I hope that this erases any ambiguity. If there is anything I missed, please let me know. Thanks again to all of you who gave me feedback. Keep me honest in my posts, call me out when I’m wrong, and ask me to elaborate anytime there is anything I’m not clear about.