Stop praying for people. And start praying with them.

What I’m suggesting might just change your relationship with everyone around you.

Two and a half years ago, some friends from Finland introduced me to a new way of interacting with people through prayer. They encouraged me to not just pray for other people who share the same faith, but to start praying with people—even people who don’t pray, don’t share my same faith, or aren’t spiritual at all.

Since then, I’ve prayed with countless people—a Kobe Bryant lookalike in the Charles de Gaulle Airport in Paris, a French atheist on a plane, multiple restaurant workers, neighbors, agnostic friends, and lots of others in between.

Some people have said no. Others have ignored me. A few have allowed me to pray but asked that I do it later, on my own. But the majority—yes, the majority!—have said yes to being prayed with.

One was a guy I met at a restaurant in my city. He was also a foreigner of a different religious background, but he said yes to my offer for prayer—I prayed simply that God would bless him, his life here, and his future. I tried to go back and see him multiple times, but he wasn’t working when I stopped by. Finally, almost a year later, I saw him and as soon as I walked in he shouted to me, “Where have you been!? My life has been so good since you prayed for me. I’m a Muslim, but I believe in Jesus now!” I was ready to run through the city and start offering to pray for everyone I saw after that.

Here’s how I normally introduce it to people I’ve just met (like in a restaurant setting):

I have an unexpected question for you. I’m a person who prays, and I believe God hears and answers our prayers. I especially like praying for people who have been kind to me, like you have been today. I was wondering if there was anything I could pray about for you. Maybe stress in your life you wish would go away, some change you hope to see, or just something you need.

And then you wait and see what they say. Normally you have to explain yourself again because this was not what they were expecting.

If it is a friend, I am always listening for opportunities that might be a chance to pray for them—because I really want God to help my friends. If they mention something specific, I might ask, “Hey you mentioned that you’re looking for a new apartment. Could I pray about that for you? Could I maybe pray right now with you?” If they haven’t mentioned something specific, you might simply say:

Hey friend, you know that my faith is important to me. Something I’ve been trying to get better at is praying for the people around me, because I believe God hears and answers our prayers. I was wondering if there is anything I could pray about for you.

Here are a few ground rules (2 keeps for your eyes and tongue, 2 prays for your direction and timing, and 2 asks for the questions to keep things rolling).

  1. Keep your eyes open. The Bible doesn’t ever tell us to close our eyes when we pray. It’s fine if the other person does (perhaps if they have some religious background) but most of the time people keep their eyes open.
  2. Keep it simple. Don’t use religious language. Don’t cover your friend in the precious blood of the lamb in your first prayer with them. Use words a kid would understand without being religious.
  3. Pray to Jesus. This might set some theological nerds off in a tizzy, but I pray to Jesus so my friends know the God I’m praying to—not some just generic god and not my Father, because they’ll wonder why I’m praying to my dad (who is a great guy, but unable to answer prayers).
  4. Pray briefly. 15-30 seconds max. Hopefully this isn’t your only chance to pray with them. But I can promise you that if you roll this thing out into a 5-minute monologue, your odds of ever praying for them again drop precipitously.
  5. Ask a question. “How did that feel for you? Has anyone ever prayed for you like that before? Do you ever pray? Will you let me know if that prayer is answered?” This is your opportunity to engage them more deeply and to get a feel for what they thought about the experience.
  6. Ask them later. Hey, last time we were together, I prayed for you—how is your apartment search going?

Short and simple. Eyes open. Pray to Jesus and then ask how it felt. You can do it, and God can use it.

We live in a postmodern world where people are searching for genuine (spiritual) experiences. It’s not every day that someone offers to pray with you. Maybe today is the day you offer that supernatural experience to someone for the first time.

Give it a try this week. Ask just one person around you if you can pray with them. See what happens. And please share your story with me if you do.