Last week in one of my classes, a professor stopped class for a public service announcement. He said:
“I’m not going to learn your names this quarter. I’ll call you ‘this gentleman’ and ‘that lady’, but I won’t learn your name. In fact, the only way I’ll know your name is if you get in trouble. So it’s better if I don’t learn it.”
Thank you for the disclaimer, prof. You’ve just earned my divided attention and haven’t garnerned an ounce of respect from that statement.
I think I get a bit more fired up than others about learning names, but I have a low tolerance for the I’m-not-good-at-learning-names cop-out. More than anything, it’s a respect issue. By saying you aren’t going to learn my name, you’re saying, “I don’t respect you enough to put in the time and effort required to complete a simple task that is critical in communication.”
Sure, there are 40 people in the class, but it’s not a 400 person lecture hall. Is it difficult to learn everyone’s name? Absolutely. Is it ok not to try? No way.
So, prof, I appreciate your honesty, but your blunt disregard is offensive.
If you’re bad at names, get better. I’m by no means a professional at this, but it’s something I’ve worked on because it gives instant credibility and makes connecting with people even easier.
Here are five tips to learn names and make an impression on your new-found friends.
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Don’t think about introducing yourself. When you’re in a huge group of new people, it’s so easy to think about what you’re going to say when you introduce yourself. I promise you won’t forget your name and favorite hobby, birthplace, or fun fact about yourself. When I meet someone I don’t even think about saying my name you’ll never forget that. Focus completely on who they are.
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Say it back. This has helped me tremendously. When you meet someone, shake their hand, ask them their name, and say it back to them. Having their name come out of your mouth dramatically increases your chance of remembering it.
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Ask how to spell it. If it’s a unique name or a common one with many spellings, ask how they spell it. It will help you visualize it in your mind.
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Associate a trait with it. Michael Scott does an absolutely terrible job with this in “Lecture Circuit Part 1” in the The Office when he remembers a guy named Marks name by saying, “Baldy. Your head is bald. It is hairless. It is shiny. It is reflective, like a mirror. M. Your name is Mark.” I don’t suggest going that route, but when you can focus on a personality or physical trait of a person to remember her name, it helps a ton.
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Ask again. If you don’t remember someones name, just ask. The sooner the better. Ask someone else who does know it or ask the person directly. I have way more respect for someone who asks me my name over someone who calls me guy, man, dude, or bro because he doesn’t remember.
Call this rant a pet peeve. Say I’m over reacting. Call me out if you disagree. My only request? Use my name.