Help

It’s easy for me to think my way is the correct way (which is clearly linked to my impatience and pride). Obviously, my way isn’t always right, isn’t the only right way, and isn’t necessarily the best way. When you’re leading, I think the best way to empower team members is to give them clear expectations about where you’re heading and what you hope to achieve (vision) while also giving them the freedom to work how they feel best (flexibility). Sometimes people do things in ways we don’t think is best. That’s when letting them stay flexible is hard. A sudden urge to micro-manage boils up when they say things we don’t agree with. Or if they act in ways we wouldn’t act. Sometimes they are wrong. They need to be corrected. Someone (you, if you’re the leader) needs to talk with them. Other times the way they do or say something that gets under your skin. It bothers you and rubs you the wrong way. But it’s actually not fundamentally wrong or hurtful or even in need of correction. It’s just preference. ...

When I was leading a Bible Study for leaders in our movement at Ohio University, I wanted to spend time affirming the guys in my group and helping them encourage one another. Just before we started our Bible Study, I scrapped our plan for that evening and the Encouragement Hot Seat_ _was born. Here’s how it works. Everyone sits in a circle, and we randomly start with one member of the group. It’s great if the group leader (or the one who has arranged for the The Seat_ _to happen) selects a person to start with and then sets the tone for the time.  Say we start with Charlie. I, as the leader, spend 20-60 seconds or so telling Charlie what I admire about him, appreciate about him, and how I have seen him growing and developing. Each other person in the circle takes their turn sharing about what they see in Charlie until everyone in the group has spent time encouraging him. Then we move on to another person and the process repeats. None of this has to have a clear flow or direction–just let people start speaking as they feel led. People will naturally know when it’s their turn to encourage. The Encouragement Hot Seat has become one of my favorite activities for uplifting a team or group (especially in winter months). It’s incredibly simple, and I love it for four huge reasons. ...

During our pre-marital counseling, our pastor shared a key question that has changed nearly every relationship in my life. The question is simple. Am I believing the best about this person? When someone shows up late to a meeting. When the dishes aren’t done. When the trash smells and hasn’t been taken out. When you haven’t heard from someone in ages. When your emails go without a response for weeks. When something is said that cuts to your core. It’s incredible what the benefit of the doubt does in a relationship. ...