Relationships

The only people who get hurt on a roller coaster are the ones who jump off. This quote by Dave Ramsey was exactly what I needed to hear (mostly in the context of blogging, a roller coaster I’m constantly trying to decide if it’s time to jump off or one to ride out. Riding out is winning so far). Dave (yep, we’re on a first-name basis) was discussing the stock market crash in 2009. It took four years for the market to recover. He was shouting on news stations, his radio show and to anyone who would listen: ride this out. Don’t sell your stocks. Don’t believe the sky is falling. Hold on. You’re in the middle of the ride. Don’t jump now. It’s comforting to have sound financial advice like this in the midst of an economic crisis, but the quote carries applications beyond dollars and cents. Wherever we are in life, we must realize we’re on a roller coaster. ...

_ get over_ myself and stop taking everything like it’s a personal attack. It’s happened multiple times today already, once over a floor mat. Yes, a floor mat. It’s out of control. It’s difficult to lay down my right to be offended. Everything someone says, does or thinks about me is automatically filtered through my thin skin and the worst is assumed, leading to disgust, bitterness and hurt beyond what is rational. Most of the time, I’m just plain wrong in my initial assumptions and conclusions. [Before we get too far, let me say this post isn’t meant to excuse racism or sexism or any other -ism out there. Of course oppression should be fought against. We’re evaluating taking things personally at a (here it comes) personal level. Attacks based not on your identity, but rather your personality.] Some things roll off my back with ease–especially when an anonymous poster says something silly on my blog or when someone I don’t know makes a harsh comment (like the time I was partially verbally assaulted at a Czech symphony performance by some teenage kid. Oye). When it comes to people I care about though, it seems like my heart beats outside my skin, completely exposed and easily targeted for unintentional attack. I know I need to believe the best about the people closest to me, but for some reason, I draw conclusions and make unfair inferences that totally miss the mark. ...

During our pre-marital counseling, our pastor shared a key question that has changed nearly every relationship in my life. The question is simple. Am I believing the best about this person? When someone shows up late to a meeting. When the dishes aren’t done. When the trash smells and hasn’t been taken out. When you haven’t heard from someone in ages. When your emails go without a response for weeks. When something is said that cuts to your core. It’s incredible what the benefit of the doubt does in a relationship. ...