In the American school system, you’re rewarded for being the best question answerer.

For memorizing multiplication charts, the year the Lusitania sunk, how to spell onomatopoeia. Those aren’t bad things to know, they just aren’t the most helpful types of things to keep in the deep recesses of your memory.

A quick calculation, Google search or dictionary reference–all of which now fit inside our pockets with smartphones–can give us the answers we’re looking for.

Unfortunately, we’re rarely rewarded for being the best question askers–a far less common skill and one that will serve you for a lifetime.

Anyone with an internet connection can find the right answer. Few people can asking well-crafted questions that drive conversations, create genuine connections and get to the root of problems. We haven’t been trained to be good question askers, and we as a society need to fix that. No one likes a know-it-all. Everyone loves a listener. I think question asking is a key to humility as well, because it shows you care what others think.

Question asking is the easiest-to-develop yet most-under-valued skill in communication. Asking great questions is the key to understanding people, gaining their trust, developing deep relationships and creating real friendships. It’s an invaluable business skill as well, especially in sales.

I’m not a question asking expert, but I want to be. So, I’ve started observing how great question askers do what they do. I’m working on this process of asking better questions, and here are a few things I’ve notice that the best question askers do. Continue reading →