Friction.
the resistance that one surface or object encounters when moving over another.
When you are trying to go somewhere faster, friction is bad because it slows you down. But when you’re trying to stop yourself from crashing into a building, friction is good.
I’ve realized that friction applies in ways beyond the physical. For example, I like to think of friction as effort in the emotional sense. Asking others to do things or responding to requests from anyone involves friction–you or someone else remembering to follow through or follow up in order to accomplish a task.
Friction is bad when it keeps people from following through and simultaneously a good thing when it puts up a barrier that makes it just a bit more difficult to see if someone actually wants something to happen. So, I’m constantly adding and removing friction as it suits my needs, and I think you should do the same.
Here’s how I leverage friction.
When I Remove Friction
Here are two examples of areas I’m trying to remove friction and difficulty in my work:
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When I email someone, instead of saying, “Would you like to get together sometime?” I ask that question, and then I follow up with, “If you’re interested, does Monday at 12pm or Tuesday at 6pm work for you? If not, please suggest a few times that would work for you and we’ll go from there.” More e-mails means more friction, and thus there is a greater likelihood of a future meeting not happening.
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When I send someone a letter and I’m asking for a physical response from them, I include an envelope with my address and a stamp already on it. The stamp they would have to buy or find is more friction that I can remove by slapping it on the envelope for them. It costs me an ever-rising 46 cents, but it’s worth it if a response comes a day faster (or, really, just comes at all).
Basically, if I’m trying to ask someone to do something, I want to make it as easy as possible. This is me serving them but also making it easier on both of us and taking less time in the long run.
When I Add Friction
Here’s where I find myself adding more friction:
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If someone asks me something, and it seemed off the cuff or insincere, I might say to them, “Could you email me about that while including your request and I’ll get back to you?” Many times they never email me, even after I’ve said I’ll consider it. Just write me–that’s all it takes. But that email is friction. They have to be responsible enough to write a reminder or remember to email me.
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When someone wants to make me do something I can’t commit to (salespeople, Red Cross callers, etc. in certain situations where I really can’t commit, despite their best and often well-intentioned efforts) I keep throwing up barriers, because I don’t want to commit and not follow through. It seems to me that many people would prefer to just accept requests that they know they can’t fulfill because they feel forced. It’s not fair to force someone, but it’s not fair to commit if you know you can’t. Instead, add friction. (At this point I’m starting to feel a bit like an infomercial for friction like I’m selling just add water pancake batter.) Tell them to call you back at a certain day or time, and be prepared to give them a straight answer then.
I’m trying to make it easier on myself and harder on others when they want something from me. But! (Here I am, rushing to my defense) I’m trying to save pain in all directions, because if someone can’t take the minute it takes to email me (they can even do it while they are standing their with me on their smartphone) my guess is they are less likely to follow through later as well.
For requests I have for people, I want to control the friction. If someone says they will call me back on Friday, I want to remove the friction of them remembering to call me and then actually picking up their phone, and so I say, “What time were you thinking you’d call on Friday? I’m sure you have more than enough things to remember as it is, would it be ok if I called you instead to take one more thing off of your plate?” Then I’m not waiting around for their call and they aren’t trying to remember to call me. It takes more effort on my part, but it should, because I’m the one making a request. (Is Friction Controller a job title? Because I think I want to be a Chief Friction Controller one day.)
For requests others have of me, I create friction to see if they are serious, and then I ask them to take the next step. Finally, here comes my ultimate justification for this friction case.
Jesus Created Friction
In John 9:7, Jesus heals a man who was born blind. Jesus puts the mud on the man’s eyes, and then tells the man to go wash in the pool of Siloam. Surely Jesus could have healed the man there without the mud and without the man’s effort–but for some reason, Jesus had the man exercise the faith to wash his own eyes. If Jesus created some friction, I’m ok with doing the same thing. I want to be a good steward of my time and resources, and so this little bit of extra effort in the form of emotional effort enables me to evaluate follow through and faithfulness. If it is, I’m happy to help. If not, it’s an opportunity for growth for the asker. And if we view removing friction as an opportunity to serve someone, than we are doing just as the Son of Man did–not to be served, but to serve.